Synchronicity is a weird thing.
I received an email this morning from a reader who wasn’t happy and expressed her disappointment that I chose to only provide sample chapters of Shadows Fall on my website. She requested that I please continue the story there, because she couldn’t afford to purchase the book. She went on to say she had read Snow Angels and found the sample chapters of Shadows Fall “more intense, more involved.” Perhaps I read too much between the lines, but I thought she made it clear she wanted to finish reading Shadows Fall for free.
At the same time I downloaded that email, I also downloaded one containing my annual statement of earnings from Amazon for new book sales of Shadows Fall, which—after they deducted the annual fee—didn’t even cover my printing costs. Fortunately that’s not the only point of sale, but I’m sure you see the irony in receiving these two emails at the same time.
Perhaps the reader who emailed doesn’t realize I’m a self-published author, and what that entails. I can sympathize with lack of funds. I would love to be able to afford to buy the books all my writing friends have written. In a perfect world, where paying for groceries, clothing, and the mortgage weren’t factors, in a world where I could replace a tire on the car without paying a penny, I’d be happy to give all my work away for free. As it is, I’ve provided one free ebook.
I like that there’s so much free content on the Internet. I like that there are programmers willing to provide this open source blogging software for no charge. One reason I give Snow Angels away for free is to give something back. According to my statistics, during the past 14 months there have been 2,737 unique IP hits on either the last chapter of Snow Angels, or the alternate complete text. This figure does not include most spiders. That means about 2,700 people have likely finished reading Snow Angels for free during that time. I’ve received something like four donations, each for less than the price of a hardcover novel, most for less than the price of a mass market paperback. I’m exceedingly grateful to those who’ve donated, and to those who’ve purchased Shadows Fall. I’m grateful for every single email I’ve received from readers, including the one I mention here. Feedback helps me improve, gives me food for thought, and lets me know I’m not just talking to the wall here. Heck, I’m grateful anyone finishes reading it to the end. But sales are what keep a writer in groceries—and help them get published in the future. If I were to take a novel manuscript to a publisher and could tell them I’d sold more than 2,000 copies of this book on my own, in a year’s time, they’d be pretty impressed. But I haven’t sold it. I’ve given it away for free.
Yes, Shadows Fall is (in my opinion, too) a better book than Snow Angels. I give ample warning on my website that the chapters of Shadows Fall there are only samples. If someone starts reading it on the website they’ll have to pay for the book to finish reading it. I’m a self-published author, with limited distribution channels for my book. If I were traditionally published, hopefully a library near the reader would purchase a copy of Shadows Fall, or a kind patron would donate it, and she could borrow it there to read for free.
I don’t want to sound bitter, and I appreciate the compliment from the reader, but I confess to mixed emotions about her email request, about it not being enough for her that I give Snow Angels away for free. After all, I didn’t pull it out of the air, fully written. I spent my time and energy on it. My life’s breath is in that book. I could’ve spent those hours eating pizza and watching TV.
Perhaps she’s under the same skewed impression that many people are, of the financial status or lifestyle of the average novelist. We’re not all J. K. Rowling. Most of us are still working our way up the novel writing food chain. Aspiring novelists, including many who are published traditionally, don’t only spend inordinate amounts of time writing, away from our families, other obligations, and hobbies. (Yes, I consider other things besides writing my hobbies.) We spend time thinking about what we write before we ever put down a word. We do our own research. We pay for our own printing and copying. We provide a self-addressed, stamped envelope (SASE) for each submission we mail out. We pay for our websites. If we submit stories to the few magazines that still publish fiction—many of which don’t pay except in copies—we’re expected to pay to subscribe to those magazines. All of this adds up, and none of this expense is considered deductible by the IRS until a writer makes money from her efforts. We put up with rejection. Lots of rejection. I hope one day to profit from all this, but I’m not there yet. It can take years. It’s already taken me years to get where I am. Editors and agents will tell you, being a good writer doesn’t guarantee publication. I do this because I choose to, because I love to write. But that doesn’t mean I consider my work of no value.
In light of the unbelievable synchronicity that brought the Amazon email to me fast on the heels of that reader’s email, I have to answer, regretfully, respectfully—and with many thanks for the praise—with a resounding, “No.” I wonder why this is so hard, so painful for me to say. Why do I feel a hint of anger and, surprisingly, a twinge of guilt?
It’s hard because you’re a generous person and rightfully proud of your work. She was playing on those two strengths, trying to manipulate you. Good for you, seeing through it. I’m not imputing evil Machiavellian actions to her; just what comes naturally when someone wants something.
Especially women, who have learned from girlhood to wheedle and cajole. It’s hard to unlearn and ask straightforwardly, giving sound reasons (if there are any) to the request. It is seen as a masculine approach and anti-feminine. And of course, gender has nothing to do with it; social perceptions, everything.
And the beat goes on…
Comment by Rhubarb — December 28, 2005 @ 9:29 pm
Amazing. Just recently I inquired Ken about a hardcopy of Snow Angels. I’m one of those creatures who doesn’t enjoy reading a book from a screen — like to have it in my hands. It just seems ironic that I was recently clamoring to pay for your free book. Lest you think I have deep pockets, I don’t. But when I do throw money, it’s usually toward a good read.
And yes, I do plan to read Snow Angels — just haven’t figured out how to snuggle up on my couch with my computer.
I guess your emailer was extending a backdoor compliment, but I also think she exhibited thoughtless greed. Also, for all the reasons and passions and insanities you stated, she could not possibly be a writer, not possibly.
Comment by Reenie — December 29, 2005 @ 5:53 am
I think there’s a tendency in our world to accept free things and keep expecting more. These expectations are fine when it’s a mass-produced item made in about 10 seconds in a factory for a nickel. But when it’s your own sweat and tears, something that took months of your life, it’s another matter. So I’m sensitive about that. But I can’t expect just anyone to think that way.
I did get the compliment, and she did push my buttons, whether she intended to or not. Of course the only reason it got to me was I let it. Maybe I need a vacation. Thanks for listening to my rant. Time for me to get back on a more positive track, and not teeter on the edge so much that one person can throw me. Sheesh! It’s clear to me now this is more about my reaction than anything I received in the email.
Comment by Barbara W. Klaser — December 29, 2005 @ 12:56 pm
Why you feel anger is apparent. But guilt? Perhaps it’s because all of us have been conditioned, by the powers that be, to feel we’re worthless.
Perhaps you’d have been better off eating pizza and watching TV. That way, you’d be exposed to advertisers’ advertisements, and be spending money on either prepared pizza, or pizza ingredients and energy for baking in a less than ideal oven. In other words, you’d be a good little consumer. That you wish to have others consume your labor, makes you not such a good consumer, because you have now entered the game where if others buy your labor directly, those middle entities who could profit from reselling your labor lose by some amount.
One ironic thing I see in the situation and your words, perhaps it’s what you meant when you wrote “irony”, is that as far as your Amazon sales are concerned, you’d have been financially better off giving the book away for free on your website. As modest as Amazon’s flat-fee structure is, any profit you would have otherwise realized if sales had been numerically greater in the given time period, was transferred to Amazon. As your sales apparently are low there, you took a real, financial loss on every copy sold through them.
Perhaps this is where your feeling—twinge of guilt—for not giving Shadows Fall away for free, comes from.
If you hadn’t sold any copies, it still would have cost you the modest flat fee to have that sales page there. Had you sold more copies, you would have begun to capture some profit.
If consumers are largely employees, they’ll receive some compensation, usually less than what independents receive for equivalent work, and if employees want to go off on their own, be independent to pursue liberty and happiness (instead of mindlessly doing what they’re told), they must compete with the corporate entities that do anything and everything legal that anyone has ever imagined, to transfer the independents’ profit (for the independent’s work) to them, essentially removing independents’ happiness by the synthetic reality that it takes money to sustain life today, and the reality that big entities make their money by skimming some percentage off what others make and paying those others less than that amount in return, therefore, it is in their interest to convince us that we are worth-less than we are.
As realities such as yours manifest, the implicit message is that little consumers are inherently worth-less, except for the amount of “spending” that you are capable of, or except for what you are able to freely give to others without incurring your own financial liabilities in the act of freely giving. Curiously, the latter reinforces the message of the former.
In its essence, consumerism is essentially based upon deliberately creating unhappiness in order to increase sales that will grant happiness: creating a illusory desire for a non-necessary widget, and which serves to transfer the purchasers money to the seller.
In this sense, that this reader had a desire to read Shadows Fall even though she didn’t have the necessary funds to pay for it, that the created desire was so great that she emailed to ask you to give it to her for free, means that you were successful in creating a desire for a non-necessity. Let me repeat that: You Were Successful!
You just need a little more success to find those who are able to pay. It cannot be your fault that she didn’t have enough money to pay for the desire you created, can it?
Perhaps giving Shadows Fall away for free would solve the readership problem, but it certainly would never solve the issue of compensating you for your work with any kind of tradable unit, trade such as that which “money” was supposedly created to facilitate. The next question which follows, which you have noted, is how does giving something away for free grant you the ability to feed, clothe, and shelter yourself? A corollary question is how do you freely give something to others when it costs you to do so (such as the cost to maintain a website)?
You see, our culture has become a sick one where our perceived well-being is based upon our own ability to be good consumers. That is, I believe, where your “twinge of guilt” comes from.
Comment by Ken — December 29, 2005 @ 4:23 pm
To be honest, Barbara, your very teeny, tiny show of rant was a relief! I am a raving lunatic in comparison. You are the most even-keeled, sensible, gentlest person I have ever known. A peek of your temper was a delightful surprise. I’m glad you’re not letting this gnaw at you. You’re too smart and wise.
Comment by Reenie — December 29, 2005 @ 5:11 pm
Some people seem to think writers are all making a lot of money. Others consider writing at any level just a hobby, and hence expect to be given books for free. There are a number of people I “know” very casually (for example at a place where I shop) who keep hinting I ought to give them books. I just kind of hem and haw. What I feel like saying is, well, what if someone suggested you go work for them for a day for free? But, I guess these folks think I ought to be complimented they express an interest in my silly hobby. This is one reason I avoid publicizing what we do locally.
Comment by Eric Mayer — December 30, 2005 @ 11:25 am
Sci-fi writer Cory Doctorow swears that offering writing free online boosts hardcover sales. I think he makes whole novels available at craphound.com, his website. (He also blogs at Boing Boing.)
Happy New Year!
Comment by Georganna Hancock — January 4, 2006 @ 7:01 pm