I had great plans for today, because I got so much done yesterday morning, outdoors. I finally got more seedlings in the ground — not the easiest task for someone with arthritis and fibromyalgia, who’s out of shape, and who’s working in hard, rocky soil. But I paced myself, got a lot done, and I felt good about it afterward.
I was so happy with the result yesterday that I planned to do more of the same today. Then I wakened later than usual, and not in the best mood. I dealt with kitty behavior issues right away, then I went to the store instead of starting work in the yard. Finally I came home to a hot late morning promising an even hotter day. So I canceled my plans to do more spading and planting, and here I sit indoors with the air conditioner on, wondering why that seems to happen so often. Not the hot weather. That’s to be expected this time of year. But I’ve noticed with many other things I do that when I make specific or detailed plans, they often fall through. Not just gardening tasks.
I realize now that even though I fooled myself for years, dutifully planning my work, both on the job and off, I’m really, at heart, not a planner at all. I’ve told my husband time after time how I like to plan things. But truth to tell, I’ve never actually been much for committing to anything. What I was really saying was probably that I didn’t like anyone else to make plans for me that might keep me from finding my happy accidental tasks. I think it’s because plans seem so often to change — and often for the best — that I’ve discovered this. Plans change. So why bother planning? Of course in the workplace that wouldn’t have flown. In any cooperative effort, plans make sense, because we depend so much on others getting their work done on time.
On my own, who needs plans? Maybe it’s something to do with being a generalist, not a specialist. But in a way I’m like this little cat, self-directed and easily distracted — by the right distractions. Those distractions often become momentary passions, obsessions that frequently happen to turn out really well.
Yes, I could tell myself, “Just get out there and do the damned gardening, like you planned.” But then the joy wouldn’t be in the effort, and instead of feeling good about what I accomplish, I’d be dehydrated, overheated, and feel terrible the rest of the day, possibly tomorrow as well. I know better. So I threw some water on the little transplants, and came inside. Maybe tomorrow morning. . . .
Still I wonder. Why do I get the most done when I don’t plan to? When it’s a spur of the moment, “I think I’ll do this right now” kind of thing? That’s what yesterday’s effort was. I woke up, got dressed, and started right in, because that was exactly what I wanted to do that morning, as soon as I woke up. I woke up inspired. This morning I didn’t. At least not with that inspiration, not with the one I expected.
I notice this is especially true with creative work of all kinds, and with learning, where it’s not the weather that changes things, but something unknown. Just when I wouldn’t think I’d even be in the mood for it, I get a whim and do that different thing, whatever it may be, and that’s when I get the most out of it. I seem to be most productive when I haven’t planned anything at all, when I pay heed to momentary flashes of inspiration or that sudden opportunity. Happy accidents and spontaneous productivity. Do you have them? My life seems full of them. They’re what makes me happy.
Here’s the real mystery: I don’t think it’s just about my mood or how I’m feeling, or the weather. It sometimes seems almost more like a synchronous universal dance of some kind. Sometimes all the pieces are in place, inside me and outside of me.
And it’s not just me. I think there are lots of people, like me, who’ve struggled all our lives to conform to a world that likes plans, schedules, rules. So much so that I grew up, and spent thirty years of adult life, thinking I was more comfortable with plans, schedules, and rules. Actually, as a kid, I never felt right about it. As an adult, I bought into it. Had to, to keep a job. But if that’s the way we should live life, how does one explain all those happy accidents by inventors, scientists, and discoverers through the ages? Granted, a certain amount of preparation took place before those historical happy accidents occurred. But many important discoveries in history weren’t planned. Not the way they turned out. Someone happened by chance to be in the right place at the right time, doing the right thing, or paying attention to what turned out to matter most.
Were they in tune with the synchronous dance of the universe?
For some people, I know this doesn’t work. Planning works for them. That’s great, more power to them. We need planners in the world, and maybe that’s their part of the synchronous dance. Someone has to read the music and keep the time. For me, not planning works. It’s about time I realized it.
Instead of gardening today, what will it be? I won’t know until seconds before I start, or perhaps after I’ve already begun.
1.
Barbara, one of the benefits of age is the don’thafta thing; you minimize the haftas to a reasonable level (where you do them because it makes you feel better eventually, like cleaning house). Sometimes, once the imperative is taken off the task, you almost take pleasure in it. That’s when you do it.
Comment by susan — July 14, 2008 @ 1:16 pm
2.
I’m afraid I’m a planner.I make lists of jobs. I keep calendars to schedule all my contract work. I know exactly how long each project should take to do and try to get each done early, just in case. Ironically, my schedule is probably more planned now that I work for myself than it was when I was a salaried employee due at the office every day. I should be footloose and fancy free now. But I realized early on that to survive while self-employed you need to be a tough taskmaster.
It’s OK, though, because basically I don’t like surprises. To be honest, most the surprises I’ve had in my life have been unpleasant so maybe that explains my aversion to them.
Of course, I am talking here about day to day and week to week and month to month planning, mostly work related, although household chores are planned too. On the larger scale of my life I’ve never really managed to put together a coherent plan. I’ve always been reacting it seems, never had much of a chance to actually decide on a course of action, always been dodging one disaster or another. The few, rather vague plans I’ve made have invariably not worked out at all, or at least not with the result intended.
So perhaps I’d be better off not planning. I rather wish I could just take life as it comes without worrying about it beforehand but it isn’t my nature.
Comment by Eric Mayer — July 14, 2008 @ 7:46 pm
3.
I personally do better with a plan – as in, I get more accomplished. But now that I live alone and am accountable to no one but myself, and I’m now the center of my own fragile universe… I’ve become a professional fiddle-faddler, but given a deadline, I’m still able to jump back into productivity. I think a lot of my new attitude evolved after I turned 60: I am so secure in knowing I don’t have to prove a dang thing to anyone, anywhere, anyhow. I gave myself a hall pass to freedom.
Regarding gardening: over the years arthritis has chipped away at many of my passions and favorite pastimes. I am so luckyluckylucky because letting go has never left me feeling cheated. Somehow or another I reflect on losses with gratitude – gratitude for at least having had the privilege of enjoyment whether it be hiking or tennis or gardening.
Nice observations, Barbara.
Comment by Reenie — July 19, 2008 @ 7:32 am
4.
Well I hear ya on the part about plans falling through. I can’t tell you how many times I have made plans, and the same thing happens over and over again. really, Who needs plans anyways?
Comment by Janet B — July 22, 2008 @ 12:25 am
5.
Whatever you decided to do, I hope it went well. And I hope you have a great weekend.
Cas
Planning is sometimes very frustrating.
Comment by cassie-b — July 25, 2008 @ 11:20 am
6.
I hear ya’, Girl. As more and more seem less and less important, I succumb to serendipity at every chance I get. I love your garden and kitten photos — you’re so lucky! Stay cool.
Comment by Georganna — July 26, 2008 @ 8:22 am
7.
I am always behind on my gardening tasks…the weeds out there; they scare me because they are like Hydra, those heads just keep popping up again and again…
Comment by violetismycolor — July 28, 2008 @ 7:56 pm
8.
I always feel safe with a plan. It might failed me a couple of times but works for me most of the time.
-M from Mexico
Comment by Cuautla Morelos — October 10, 2008 @ 1:34 am