A revolution of Kindness

I used to include the following in my signature when posting on some forums on the Internet:

“I want to start a revolution of kindness.”

I still think kindness is important, though that particular revolution was started at other times by much more qualified people than I. The biggest reason I quit using it as my signature line was, I began to think people looked at those words and thought “bleeding heart liberal” or “easy mark” — or they saw it as just plain cheesy. I became self-conscious about it.

Why? Why do we think of kindness as uncool, naive, or unrealistic?

I sometimes think we’ve become victims of our own twisted ideas about social victimology. We assume that someone is out to get us unless we get them first, that few people mean us well, that if a stranger acts kind he must have some ulterior motive. We’re more and more cautious, even about answering the phone or watching an ad on TV. And whom to vote for? Oh my gosh. What do they want now? What are they really saying? Who’s going to smile first, and will they really mean it?

Maybe I spend too much time online, where anonymity seems to bring out the worst in people. Or I watch too many violent movies, or read too much news. What is the reality of kindness in our world today? Is the world in fact much more peaceful, live-and-let-live, and even kind than I perceive?

Money comes first these days, if not in the minds of individuals then at least in the goals of the boss, the media, the government, and seemingly everyone we do business with. Try talking to a car salesman about kindness, and his eyes will glaze over. To him, kindness is me buying a car from him. But there I go, with my own victimology, perceiving him as unkind because he’s doing his job. I assume that’s all he’s about. Ignoring kindness becomes a self-perpetuating circle, because when I ignore it in others, I deplete its value. I find myself doing this too often online, out in the world, and even sometimes at home.

Today I came across an interview with Sharon Salzberg on Beliefnet titled, Is It Uncool To Be Kind? in which she explored that question. Salzberg believes that kindness takes a “5th-class status” these days. But she sees kindness as a force, a kind of empowering personal skill with which each of us influences the world, and she insists that practicing kindness is the key to our happiness.

So what ever happened to kindness? Can you be kind and still be cool? Cynicism, fear, illness, injury, resentment, greed, anger, poverty, lack of trust, pain, grief, and far too many other negative experiences, which we all have in one form or another, undermine our ability to see through other people to their innate humanness, and their kindness. Those are heavy things to work through. Sometimes they seem impossible to overcome. They fog our view of the world and each other. But maybe that’s just because we haven’t practiced focusing on kindness recently, haven’t replenished our own kindness centers — by opening our hearts. I still believe most people have a wealth of kindness inside them, and I think that being kind is the simplest way to draw others’ kindness out. When engaged in skillfully, the practice of kindness becomes a continuous exchange that all parties always gain from. How amazing is that? Why is kindness so powerful? Because it’s compassion — unconditional love — and that is the most powerful force in the universe when allowed to flow. Held inside it sours, stagnates, and becomes a mere shadow of itself, an anxious need, a sick, wasting hunger. It’s the one form of wealth in the universe that’s impossible to overspend and deadly to hoard.

So, who’s going to smile or say something kind first? The best thing about kindness is, that doesn’t matter. Because as soon as one person expresses it, the other is more likely to.

Maybe a little kindness revolution now and then is a good thing. I know I could use more practice.