I’ve been in a horribly bad mood, mainly due to family troubles of the kind that make me feel helpless and small — the news of the death of my oldest brother, and my dad’s loss of independence due to a stroke. I’ve also had some just silly bad luck at home, little things like stubbing a toe so hard a few days ago that I worried it was broken (it’s still sore), straining my back lifting a bag of cat litter yesterday, frustration over the economic crunch that everyone is feeling, when I really could use a newer more reliable car. Why is it that bad news and events seem to come in these overwhelming groupings that feel as if they’ll never end — or, if that isn’t what’s happening, why is it that my mind seems to make even the small problems feel big, once it starts on a downward spiral?
Today I knew I needed to crawl out of this hole I found myself in. I’ve been avoiding the news, because that usually just makes me feel worse, and worse was definitely not what I needed. I know some people think that’s an unrealistic attitude, but I find the news unrealistic, in its focus on everything bad and very little good except nonsensical news about the personal lives of celebrities — people who would likely just as soon be left alone when it comes to personal matters.
I decided to search for some positive news on the Internet, and I found this story on a blog called Great Pet Net that I thought I should share in case anyone else could use a lift: Jasmine the Mother Theresa Greyhound. Dogs tend to have a healing way about them, all around, in my opinion. But this one is exceptional. She certainly had a distant healing effect on me.
It’s a beautiful spring day here. Flowers are blooming, in spite of the gopher that keeps eating them. (Our gopher loves California poppies and nasturtiums. What does yours like?) The The Hooded Orioles arrived early from Mexico, and one almost flew right into me yesterday, maybe because I was wearing green and blended with the plants. Later I watched three Red-tailed Hawks circle the sky above our house. Clouds sail across the sky today in a stiff, delicious ocean breeze. My cat Tara is always up for a game of chase or a tumble with toys. Someone I care about is playing Bach on the piano in the next room.
Yesterday I spotted a long, sinuous cloud in the western sky that looked like a Japanese dragon. I didn’t get a picture, but if you’re familiar with the animated film, Spirited Away, it looked a lot like Haku in his natural form as a river spirit.
Now that I’ve set my mind back in its more customary direction, at least for the moment, good things are beginning to happen inside me again, too.
Every now and then I find it necessary to keep a gratitude journal, to find at least three things each day that I’m grateful for to write about. I think I’ll take up that practice again for a while.
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your brother and your father’s ill health. This is very sad news indeed. And the background whine of the horrible economy only makes life more bleak. I hope that you get through this all right. I will be sending good vibes/prayers your way. hugs, kisses…
Sorry to hear this really bad news. It would be strange if it hadn’t put you in a bad mood. And with all the bad news that just normally comes into our lives it is probably foolish of us to spend time reading round-ups in the papers or on the Internet of all the bad news in the world. I think that reading too much news is actually unhealthy, and also addictive. I know I shouldn’t but I can’t stop.
I do find nature to be soothing. Maybe observing nature reminds me that there is more in this universe than mankind — so often cruel and destructive.
Nice story about the dog though. There is some good in the world but the bad is so much louder.
My deep sympathy on your loss and my prayers on the health of your dad; it takes time to heal but I think you’re doing the right thing by focusing on the uplifting news that in this day of doom and gloom, gets overlooked. Maybe we need the bad to understand and see the good in little things that endure. Best to you.
The thing about grief is that, even though it’s normal for it to make us feel bad, grief itself isn’t our normal state of mind, so it takes us by surprise and turns things upside down, and we want to just go on as normal, which doesn’t really work until we’ve gotten through the worst of the grief.
Violetismycolor — thank you very much for your caring words and prayers.
Eric — I’ve always found nature to be a soothing balm. Thanks for your kind words and insights.
Susan — I think the good in the small things has a cumulative effect. Thank you.
Ah, Barbara, my condolences. This seems to be a year of losses, and my heart is with you.
Love,
Bev
Thank you, Bev. I’m doing a lot better now. I think that day I posted was especially bad because it was also both the anniversary of my mom’s death seven years earlier and the birthday of a cat I loved a lot and lost to cancer a couple of years before my mom. It was one of those days that I felt like the universe’s favorite target and it was hitting all bullseyes. I’m much better now.